I had my first cigarette when I was twelve years old.  I was spending a week during summer vacation on my Aunt’s ranch.  My cousin was a year older than me, but years more mature.  I wanted to be cool, so when she snagged a pack of Salem’s from her dad and offered me one, I accepted.  I went home with the rest of the pack, ready to impress the kids back home.  By the time the pack was gone, I was an addict.  I supported my habit by sneaking change off my dad’s dresser or pilfering cigarettes at family gatherings.  These were the days when a twelve year old could buy cigarettes at the drug store without any questions asked.  If I was ever turned away, I could always go with plan B – the vending machine. 

Everyone in my family smoked, so I considered it a natural right of passage.  By the time I was fifteen I no longer tried to hide my pack a day habit.  I would smoke on the high school campus between classes or in restaurants.  It’s absolutely stunning to me now how caviler everyone was about smoking.  Of course the world is different today.  Today smoking is not a right of passage or normal teenage rebellion.  Today smoking is a social stigmatism that interferes with relationships, both professional and personal.  Today we all know the health risks associated with smoking, yet we continue to puff away. 

I didn’t quit smoking when I was pregnant.  I didn’t quit smoking when my lungs burned every morning. And I didn’t quit smoking when my grandmother was diagnosed with emphysema.  It took years of denial and personal shame before I was ready to quit.  I remember driving in the car with my two toddlers, a cigarette in my hand.  A man jogged across the road and I burst into tears realizing I was killing myself.  He was a symbol of health and vitality and the cigarette in my hand was a symbol of death.  A few months later I went to a football game with my husband.  We were higher than the nose bleed section.  The climb to our seats left me panting for breath.  I was finally ready to quit.

No matter what society says to shame smokers into quitting; you will only quit when you are ready.  It is difficult, but it’s not impossible.

I watched my grandmother die from the effects of cigarettes.   Please don’t let your loved ones watch you die. 

E cigarette